Heather’s Story: Overcoming Stage 4 Colon Cancer with Strength and Faith

I scare people.  I am a walking reminder of our mortality. I was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer when I was 46 years old.  I was the typical married, full-time working mom of two teenage boys. I lived a “healthy” lifestyle. I ate organic and a variety of fruits and vegetables.  Never smoked.  Slept well, exercised, and tried to manage my stress. But cancer did not really care if I was “healthy” and nothing I had done made this happen to me.  Cancer does not discriminate. I ignored my symptoms for way too long.  This was a personal insult due to the fact that I am a nurse practitioner and made the critical error of delaying my own care.  People frequently ask what symptoms I had.  They started innocently enough with generalized fatigue, then restless legs, followed by a weird craving for ice.  I had dizziness and then finally I passed out.  After passing out, twice, I dragged myself to a doctor.  A lab test showed that I was severely anemic and needed intravenous iron infusions.  Then a simple procedure, a colonoscopy, was all it took to change my world forever.  A CT scan would confirm that a mass in my colon had been quite cozy for a while and had spread cancer cells to my liver.  My diagnosis: Stage 4 Metastatic Colon Cancer.

I was angry.  I had an oppressor that I could not see, but had the audacity to try and take me down.  And now I was sick enough that the people I loved would be hurt by it. Things moved quickly. Saying cancer out loud for the first time to my boss, getting a port inserted, biopsy, meeting with cancer specialists, starting chemotherapy.  I could feel the panic surfacing and I was in denial. How could this be happening to me?  Will I have pain?  Will I suffer?  A bible verse spoke to my brain and soul. “Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you. I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I am not letting go” Isaiah 41:10.

I felt guilt from ignoring my symptoms. I felt myself reaching out to those dear to me, trying to understand what had happened and find meaning.  What about my sisters?  What about my children?  Are they destined to have colon cancer too?

Multiple emotions, including depression and frustration came with treatment.  Troubling side effects. Adding more medications. Sleeping weeks away.  Numbness. Feeling sorry for myself. Ignoring God. I had some very low days, but I tried not to stay there too long.  There are so many resources available for cancer patients and I utilized many of them.  I even found Facebook Colon Cancer groups helpful and comforting.

I had a great response to chemo and was soon ready for surgery. I was grateful. I had my right ascending colon, appendix, gall bladder, and left lobe of my liver removed.  Once recovered, I had six more chemo treatments.  Then a follow-up CT scan showed no evidence of disease!  Treatment and surgery had been successful! I had walked through Hell and came out on the other side. The coming years I will have frequent scans to evaluate for any reoccurrence.

After that last CT scan, I had a time of adjustment, acceptance, and recovery.  I was happy, hurting, and healing all at the same time, but I had survived. My life would never be the same. It had been divided into two parts: Before this and After this.  Looking back, I realized I had traveled through Kübler-Ross’ stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.  My scars healed and my blood counts returned to normal and never again would I not appreciate waking up every day.

My husband, Brian, lacked the ability to heal, but yet his presence had been the most healing aspect of all.  His willingness to witness my suffering had changed it somehow. The healing power of us.

I know that a mixture of modern medicine, luck, and prayer saved me.  I do not have enough time on this earth to thank the many people who walked this journey with me.  The cards, emails, text messages, meals, and care packages. Thinking about them now makes me tearful.  How can I ever thank my doctors and nurses? The researchers and scientists?  I cannot.  I can only honor them by taking care of myself and living my life.  My story is not over. I know that with each upcoming CT scan, I may have detours, but for now I am here and “healthy” again.

I still scare people.  But now, I hope it is for them to have that colonoscopy they have been putting off!